The Cottages of Boone

I truly hope that when I get back to Boone that I will have the apartment all to myself. If I’m forced to ride out what’s left of my lease then I want to do so in peace. The last thing I want is to deal with anyone over there. I’ve already got my hands full with everything else going on. I don’t want to waste any time and energy on some Mickey Mouse bullshit that comes with roommates.

Since day one at the Cottages it’s been one thing after another. I don’t know if it’s just my place or the entire property. I swear though my place needs a blessing, a cleansing, an exorcism, SOMETHING. But then again there’s probably not enough sage and holy water in the world to help with that. I’ve seen and heard so much ratchetry it’s not even funny.

Of course the original plan was to move in with my ex-best friend Mike after my first semester was up. But then that didn’t happen. My living situation was shit, but the last thing that I needed at the time was to live with someone who I felt no longer cared about me. He had gotten so superficial. He sold out, big time.

When I first got there I was already introduced to my first roommate ever. His name was Val. The whole time I was living with him he was perpetually baked. He constantly reeked of drugs and all types of bullshit. And my parents had to see and smell him too. He rolled up and lit a joint in front of my Mom. Instantly he got put on my shit list. I hated his smell, I hated hearing him speak, I hated the mess he always left behind. I hated hearing him rap too. He was your typical white boy who was riding the coat tails of life on his rich doctor daddy’s money. I felt like the only time I could even breathe in that house was when he wasn’t around. There were times when I wanted nothing more but to take that tall glass bong, smash it across his head, then stab him in the neck with the jagged edges.

Then there’s Matt. I figured he was the typical jock. The day before classes started I went to sleep and I heard talking in the living room. He was there talking with friends. Then I heard something slam against my door. One of his friends had thrown something. They didn’t know that I was in my room, trying to sleep. So I let my presence be known and everyone was like, “Oh shit!! Sorry man!” There was Matt, accept he introduced himself as Aaron. Me, half asleep and visually impaired, bought into that. Matt was nice enough at first. But I didn’t really connect with him on a lot of things until after he had left. When he was living at the Cottages there was beef between him and Val that had been going on long before I ever came into the picture. There’s a lot to their story that I never quite understood. But we both hated Val, that was all I needed to know. Matt might have been a total jock, but at least he tried to be nice to me. We didn’t have that much in common, but at least he was up for cleaning. Albeit, sporadically. Which is more than I can say about anyone else at the time. Val walked out on his lease thanks to Matt. That was one of the few highlights of that semester.

Andre and Sarah. Sarah was nice enough. She at least had the common decency to say, “Hi. How are you doing?” or “Hey! What are you watching?” or “What are you cooking? It smells good!” The only thing I got to say is, what the fuck did she even see in a guy like Andre? I’ve taken shits that have more personality than that guy. Plus he wasn’t very bright. Everything was a mystery to this guy. I just bought a Wii U and he goes, “What’s that…?” I explained to him and then he says, “Is it a Playstation?” I bite my tongue and just say, “Sure…..” Even though I want to say, “What? Were your parents first cousins?” He was always going out and never helped around the house even though at one point he did all the cooking. He would always leave his cooked rice on the stovetop and let it get solid as a rock. He left a lot of other food out to rot too. I remember there was this lasagna in a glass pan that had been on the counter for the longest time. One day I was cleaning in the kitchen and I removed the aluminum covering it. It was pure nasty. It was crusty, moldy, and fuzzy all at the same time. So I threw it out. Of course I had to chisel that shit out of the pan first. Fucking ridiculous. How can someone be so lazy and forgetful to finish off food? I can’t forgive that.

Then there was Aaron. For a while he seemed like the only decent person there. He seemed normal. But that turned out to be a complete lie. During an incident that involved Matt and Val’s personal drama we were all in the kitchen until like 3:00 AM. Matt was really upset, I saw him crying, he ran up the stairs to go to his room. I was feeling for Matt at that moment and I told Aaron, “Oh man, he’s just racked with guilt right now.” And then Aaron said, “Good! I fucking hate that guy!” My issue with this is that I always saw Aaron go out with Matt and the others for drinks like they were the best of friends and then to hear him say that made me see how two-faced he really was. Aaron was the type of guy who acted nice to your face, but when you’re not around he talked mad shit. And if he did that with Matt than chances are he did that with everyone else too, myself included. Oh but he was still so popular with everyone. The only reason I imagine why is that he had some beer flavored cock that was ten inches long that everyone took turns to suck and ride on when he wasn’t pile driving a chick-of-the-week. Fast forward to Aaron’s last semester, he hooked up with a girl who was living next-door to us, Angie. Those two together….they had no volume control. At all. If Aaron wasn’t already the world’s most pathetic sex addict before he had solidified that status when Angie came into the picture. I could always hear them. They were always having the most obnoxiously loud rabbit sex at all hours of day and night. This bitch was loud no matter what. Whenever she spoke, laughed, cried, fucked, climaxed…get her a muzzle. It didn’t help that she always barged into the house like some spoiled little princess. I never glanced her or said more than two words to her. My instinct was to always look away from her and Aaron as if they were Gorgons or whatever. Her face is a blur in my mind and I’d prefer to keep it that way. Then when their relationship became volatile and toxic the whole house had to hear it. When they finally broke up I took it as a gift from the Universe at that time.

After Aaron came Brandon to take his old room. I liked Brandon. He was cool. He was the first person I could speak with openly in that house. We sat through One Piece and Black Butler together. He helped me a lot when it came to cleaning the kitchen. He was a drug user, but after everything I had seen up to that point, nothing surprised me anymore. It sucked coming back to the house to find out he subleased his room. Last time I saw him he was sporting some porn-stache and wearing some shirt that made him look like a drug lord off Miami Vice.

Trevor was all right. I didn’t like it when he and his friends were doing lines of coke in the house, but at least he was decent to me, gave me a ride to the grocery store when I needed it. He liked my cooking too. I let him have some. And we hated the same people living with us. He’s a marine with PTSD. There were nights when he acted up. Always pounding holes into the walls in his room. It was like having a cyclone ravaging through upstairs.

Jesus was…meh. He wasn’t rude to me or anything. But we just didn’t vibe. We both like anime, but our discussions were always brief. He was a decent cook too. When he moved in I was getting started on cooking. I was making stuff that he wasn’t, but even then our discussions were always brief. Some people have walls built up around them. With Jesus, however, there weren’t walls. No, he had an armed fortress. Getting close to this guy was like trying to push a cadillac up a steep hill….with a rope. I honestly could never get a good reading on that guy. I have no clue if he ever liked me in even the smallest bit. I still see him hanging around the Cottages and campus from time to time. But we don’t talk.

Then there was Javar and his free loading cousin Ky. These fuckers….They were always hovering over me when I was cooking, asking, “What’cha making? What’cha making? Can I have some?! Can I have some?!” You’d think these idiots had never seen anything that didn’t come from a fucking happy meal box. They were always inviting clusters of people to come into the house and throwing these stupid parties. Ky even brought his baby son on weekends to the place. Not to mention he treated his girlfriend like total shit. I had to hear them fight too. They were always making so much noise at the most random hours too. I bought noise canceling ear plugs to drown them out. Thankfully they worked. These two were the ones responsible for thefts going around in the neighborhood. I came back late from classes to find cops sweeping the place. Ky was arrested, Javar was evicted the very next day. It’s been deathly quiet ever since. No one’s come over to take that room since. Watch me score another dud to occupy the space though.

The guys I’ve got now are just so bland on every conceivable level. Now it’s just a bunch of little things that piss me off about them. Always hearing footsteps thundering up and down the stairs, the doors opening and closing every 8 seconds, the dishes piling up in the sink, but are never cleaned. And always being ignored without a second thought. As if they’re so busy. Doing what? Unless they’re all trying to research a cure for cancer or working to get Trump impeached from office I don’t see them doing anything productive with their time or their consumer driven lives.

The Cottages of Boone sold me some bullshit about how they’re so great at matching people up for comfortable living situations and have affordable units. They make it sound like such a nice place to live. It’s a prison. Anyone here watch Golden Girls? Remember Sophia Petrello? The Cottages of Boone are my Shady Pines. There’s always something going on at the Cottages. There’s drug deals all around, parties that get out of control, cops always patrolling the place, and does the management do anything? No, the management sucks. They’re about as useful as a windshield wiper is to a goat’s ass.

I gave this place almost three years of my life. You can’t say that I didn’t give it a shot. I had to endure living there while going through some of the darkest times of my life. I’ve had enough. I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable with anything or anyone in a place where I’m sleeping. I will be so happy when I say good-bye to it. My lease runs out in late July. I’m not gonna try to make the time I have there be positive, all sugar and rainbows. I just want to be able to sleep and cook in peace. Maybe actually get some studying and writing done while I’m there. I’ll make the most of it that I possibly can. Though I’m sure that place will fall completely to Hell without me to clean the kitchen or pay the electricity. When I move to the new house I don’t want to be there with the same cynicism, malice, or mistrust that I have for the Cottages. In the meantime, it is what it is. This is the hand that’s been dealt to me so now I have to play it.

Motherfucker, WHAT?!!!

So yeah……remember when I posted up “Cold Feet” and I mentioned how when things look like they’re working out and I was just waiting for the Universe to pull some shit and say, “Psych!!”

And then make me yell out, “Mmotherfucker, WHAT?!!”

Not five minutes after I posted “Cold Feet” my one friend at the Cottages of Boone texts me back to say, “I’m sorry. I can’t afford to pay anything right now.” And it is crunch time until we have to sign the lease and pay the security deposit. Do you see the problem here? And he’s the third person to back out on me….

So yeah…..Motherfucker, WHAT?!!

That happened.

Fortunately I have found someone to take his place after reposting the roommate ad, word for word, for the third time. Someone else is on board. They’re applying right now. And he is ready to pay his share of the deposit very soon. I feel sorry for my friend, but I need that place secured for me and my group. And unlike my ex-bestie who chose to do the classic “fade away” act I actually spoke up to my one Cottage friend and let him know whats up.

Of course he probably won’t read and respond to the text a whole week later. Let’s be real. How does someone suck so badly with communication? I’m not just talking about my friend anymore. I’m talking about people in Boone and App State in general.

People don’t communicate normally. Take the Cottages of Boone for example. Nobody ever calls, text, Facebook poke, or anything. They just help themselves and barge right into the house. It doesn’t help that no one ever locks the doors. They just barge right in. Oh and when they do decide to be decent and knock first they do so in the most obnoxious way imaginable. This same shitty rhythm and pattern to it. It’s like a bad song that gets stuck in your head.

I leave nice notes written by hand to say, “Hi guys. If you’re not going to wash the dishes then could you please load them into the dishwasher, at the very least. I’d really appreciate it.”

Do they listen? NO! Do they even read it? I doubt it!

So on top of lacking decent communication skills everyone seems to be fucking illiterate!!

This whole moving process has me on edge. I feel like I’m holding my breath and waiting for the chance to exhale. I just want it over with already. Especially before I change my mind about the whole thing and give up myself. It’s taking every ounce of willpower I have right now to have a meltdown.

I swear to God though…the next person who says, “Sorry man! I’m out” I will raise Hell!!

That concludes this little rant. I’m gonna go kill something on Bloodborne or something….peace.