Club Meds

Originally I was gonna title this “Pillhead” but I figured that’d be insensitive.

So Monday was D-Day for me. “D” as in “Doctor’s Appointment. I’ve been given my prescription for Zoloft. It’s only day three and I’ve already come to the conclusion that it kinda sucks. I’m already beginning to feel the side effects.

Can’t say that it comes as a shock. Doc did sit me through the side effects and instructions on how to properly use it. I knew this was a risk when I made the decision to go through with it. There’s no backing out now. I’m just surprised that it’s happening so soon. I’m only three days

I’ve already tried to white knuckle things for almost ten years now and now I can’t do that anymore. My knuckles are completely FUBAR. If I were a character in one of my whacky stories I would be bloodied all over and barely able to stand or hold anything. I’d be bed ridden, bandaged, and require constant nursing and monitoring.

Technically I’m already at that last part. My family is worried. My mom, my cousins, my aunties, everyone. My mom told me so during one of our last phone calls.

I’m only experiencing drowsiness so far. I felt it hit me in the middle of the day. I was able to power through it.

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This helped. I’ve been coloring a lot of pages lately. It’s mindfulness in practice. It allows me to keep the depression at bay. Just like my WWE game. Speaking of..

Booyah. Zoloft isn’t dulling my creative spark. Haha!!

This is the first time I’ve ever been medicated. It’s an adjustment. I will adapt. Drowsiness is the least of my worries as far as side-effects go. I will get past this. I am going to recover and I’m going to turn things around. Just like I’ve always had. Around this same time last year I was in a dark hole. I was able to crawl out of it that time. I can do the same thing again. I have to. My life is at stake here.

My primary goal is to get better. Everything else pales in comparison. I’m doing what is necessary to fight my depression and get better. I have to put myself first before everything else. When I think like that nothing else matters.

I can’t be afraid go through with anything just because of stupid side effects. I’m not suggesting I’m gonna power through all of them. No. If things get seriously bad I’ll call for help.

Yeah this drowsiness sucks. Feeling the pill get stuck at my throat like a rock pebble is irritating when it doesn’t go down with my food. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of experiencing other side effects. I’m just now wrapping my mind around all of this. I’m accepting the reality of it all. I’m not resisting anything anymore.

That’s all I got for now. I’m drowsy as fuck.

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3 thoughts on “Club Meds

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