Can’t Kill My Chill

Today was my last day of the first summer session here at Appalachian State. I gotta say that these past few weeks have been some of the most nerve wracking ever. But it’s also been very rewarding.

I passed BOTH of my classes. That’s including my more difficult class. It was a math class. I was on edge because I didn’t do so well on two tests and we were told that scoring less than a 60% on a test would mean that we had no chance of passing the course. The teacher was real cool though. She’s not some monster that gets off on other people’s misery. She genuinely cares for all her students and wanted to help out whenever possible.

I took my math final earlier today and I slayed it. On top of that, I hadn’t checked out my score on the class until today. Anyone whose been paying attention to anything that I’ve been writing and posting here can imagine the reason why. I didn’t think I would end up doing so good. I was the last person to finish and turn in my exam after double checking everything for over an hour. I asked my teacher if she was teaching any other class. I figured that I’d have to sign up for another one after that. I said, “Well I don’t know exactly what I’ve made in this class, but I figure it smarts to weigh my options….” And then she shows me my current grade. It turns out I already have a passing grade of 84.6. I have a B!

So it doesn’t matter how bad I do on that final because I’ve already passed the course. All my efforts paid off! It was the only math class that I needed for my degree and it’s out of my way. Math has been a constant source of terror for me for the longest time and now I never have to deal with it again. No more translating word problems, no more geometry, no more quadratic formulas, no more retaining useless facts, and no more beating myself up because of my sucky math skills. I’m free at last!! And it feels so damn good!

I passed my communication law course too. I never have to retain legal facts ever again. It was unbelievably draining to have to retain math formulas, names of cases, knowing how to dance around empirical rules, and memorizing all that legal jargon. There is no future in the legal world for me. Viola Davis makes it look good, but it ain’t for me.

I’ve got my tuition paid for, my financial situation is going to improve, and it’s just a matter of killing time until it’s time to move into the new house. This is all a huge victory to me. I start up a new session in the next few days, but between now and then I can finally be happy. I can celebrate!

Between juggling those classes, counseling sessions, and dealing with my usual crap I am exhausted. Not to mention there was all that stuff with the house, from finding the roommates, waiting for the manager to pick us, and the day of signing that lease. I was on edge! And even when it looked like all was taken care of there seemed to always be something else that stood in the way. There was always another trigger to my anxiety. I did my best to keep this positive momentum going strong, but there times when I thought it would all come a crashing halt.

But nope!! You can’t kill my chill! I’m on my way to meeting my goals. I planned to come back from my failures and it’s happening. I wanted that house and I got it. I’ve got a great thing going on and now I have to work harder to keep it going stronger!!

For now though it’s time for me to be happy and celebrate. I owe myself! Let’s see what a math-free life is like for me. Sweet dreams!

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