There should be t-shirts that read, “I survived the Cottages of Boone”. Tomorrow is the big moving day. From Cottages to Sparonest. Naturally my anxieties were acting up earlier. I was suddenly dreading that something was going to go horribly wrong. I’ve had this feeling for I don’t know how long. A feeling like I’m always missing something or that I’m doing something wrong even after I’ve done everything that I was supposed to do.
I texted the managers with my concerns and mentioned that I was feeling jittery and the dude called me back. He was actually concerned. To my surprise I’m like, “Son of a bitch, he’s a human being after all!”
I will be the first one to move in so I will have the place to myself until the day after when roommates start coming in. So I’m calm now after the manager answered the questions that were nagging at me today. But damn….I can’t believe I still have trouble with stuff like this.
Last week was my last counseling session so I feel like I have to fend for myself. I can’t help but feel like I have to keep my guard raised at all times. A big reason being is that I’m just not used to things going my way. Plus moving is a big thing for me. The whole thing has given me cold feet from the very beginning. It’s been one nerve wracking experience after another since this entire summer began. Part of me still feels trapped in darker times before that too. So this move is really the big step forward that I needed. Finding the place and applying for it wasn’t enough. I need to move in to make it feel official. Maybe then I can give myself permission to be happy.
Watch me go out of my way to get some sage or holy water to do a blessing on every square inch of this house. I’ll be doing the same chant the old Uncle in “Jackie Chan’s Adventure” did. Anyone know what I’m talking about?
Yuumo gwei gwai fai dee zao…and then he’d repeat this in a loop. I should probably make it into my own mantra for the shits and giggles.
I’m going to make my intentions clear to the universe. I want to produce all the good that I can to outweigh all the bad. I want my last year at Appalachian State to be a positive one. And I want to find the thing that makes all the struggles worth it. I will make it my mission to assure that things don’t return to the way they used to be. And whatever challenges stand in my way I will show it NO MERCY.
Tomorrow will be the official first day of a better life. Now I’m gonna go back to packing up my things before I jinx things. Later days!